Grief & In-Laws

Hoping that the title hasn't misled - this post is not about the In-Laws giving me grief!

I've been quiet this last week, and unfortunately not because I've been kidnapped by Brad Pitt to an exotic locale sans internet connection....

We had the sad news that Ned Kelly's (aka the husband's) Pop had passed away so spent the last week journeying to Sydney to celebrate & commemorate an important person in our family's life.

Pop had had a brilliant, long & healthy life, something I inspire too, but the years have taken a toll and just recently his body has slipped into the rapid decline of old age.

I'd like to take a moment to salute an amazing fella with strong family values, who served our country on the Kokoda trail and raised a beautiful family that I am proud to be a part of.

It's of family I'd like to talk about - not the family you are born into, but the family you choose - the family of the person you choose to commit your life to.

I wasn't lucky enough to be alive to meet and know my own grandparents - my maternal grandfather was the last to pass when I was 7. Lucky for me my first, and one of my fondest memories is that of being bounced on his knee as a 6 month old - one of the few times I met him. I guess our minds must recognise the important moments....

So I am lucky that I got to adopt a pop - Jack (senior, a great honour to go for double brownie points naming my son not only after him but after my father Jack as well).

In all the years I knew him I think I witnessed him down maybe 2 glasses of water and a handful of cuppas - the rest of his hydration came from VB! He lived in central Parramatta for many years and was a founding member of the leagues club there; when his wife passed several years ago he maintained the tradition of remembering not only the grandchildren's birthdays, but the great-grandkids as well, including my three. We love you Pop, and are proud to be your family.

I was fortunate for many years to escape the lesson of death, but when it came it was hard and sudden.

My husband's brother, who was the same age as I, was killed tragically and accidentally.

Since then I've buried my father, and most recently our Pop; but these were nothing compared hard hitting emotion of having to say farewell to a person that should still be here.

During that experience I learnt as well that it hurts, not as much, but nearly as much as it being your own family member - remember that this is not just a person you were born to be the family member. You chose to be involved.

I tried hard to be the rock and anchor to support my husband, my children, and my chosen family. It's the hardest thing I've ever done.

Brett just wasn't an in-law, but a brother too.

I still miss him, and still love him.

And so I knew how my sister and brother-in-laws felt when we buried Dad. Even more I appreciated their sacrifice and courage in sacrificing their grief to support their partners. The 'Aunties' descended like angels with cuddles and food, hours spent baking, peeling & pouring to facilitate the outpouring of grief.

At Pop's farewell I saw the same - the wives of the four sons holding their husband's hands; wiping their children's tears; putting their love into comforting embraces and warm dishes.

I hope they've made sure they got their moment alone to cry and mourn, because I know they miss their 'in-laws' as much as they would their own blood kin, just as keenly as I miss my brother (inlaw)  Brett.

IN MEMORY OF BRETT, JACK, & JACK.

Have a beer together in heaven for me.